Well the simple answer is that my dad also passed from cancer. Like my mothers his was preventable if he had taken care of himself and gotten yearly check ups. My father passed away in November 2004 of metastatic colon cancer. His cancer was discovered when it ruptured his intestines. He recovered from this but lived the rest of his life with a colostomy bag. Please if your reading this and are of the age to get a colonoscopy please do so. I am of firm belief if my father had gotten annual exams and colonoscopies beginning at age 40 he would still be here. Its hard because in some sense I blame him for his own death. His older brother died of the same disease early in his life and his father had been treated for polyps.
I will say for the good majority of my life all I can remember him doing is taking care of my mother. She was in a steady state of need support and he was always there for her. He was an incredible father and husband always putting himself last and our needs first. It wasn't until I was much older that the full impact, financially and emotionally of my mothers sickness came to light.
Being an only child and a namesake male brings a lot of pressure both from the world and what you put on yourself. My father was the one who taught me to ignore pressure from the outside and to be yourself. He was a great teacher and an even better friend. He also taught me that with a family came responsibility. He was very much responsible for looking out for not only my mother and I but his parents. It was not until after his death I realized how much responsibility he carried.
During my mothers battle with cancer he diagnosed and fought hard. He never lost hope and in fact was recovering well. I don't think his golf game had been better in years! I know he took my mothers passing very hard and it was tough for me to leave and go back to my life knowing he was alone. After my mom passed Janet and I went on a vacation that had been planned for over a year to celebrate my graduation. It was a long two weeks for me not being in daily contact with him.
When we got back I resumed my daily calls. We decided that since I was coming home for Thanksgiving that I wouldn't visit. This in retrospect is something I regret as I had wanted to see my dad the weekend before he passed away but he had convinced me to wait.
Getting the call from my aunt is something that I will never forget and to this day thinking of it makes me cry. It sucked and was totally unexpected. It was the longest 8 hour drive of my life. I feel like in those 8 hours I went from being a boy to a man. I was forced to make a decision about donating my fathers organs, which I did. His eyes were the only organ I could donate though due to the cancer. I had to begin planing his funeral. I also somehow seemed to become the patriarch of my entire family extended family filling the role my father had just left. I made decisions that I don't think anyone as young as I was (28) should ever have to make. Needless to say having 2 parents die 2 months apart did not do good things for my weight!
So when did I know I was going to be OK, I guess always know the support my wife and her family provided but there was a clear moment for me. It was when I got the call from the vet that was neutering my parents dog so that I could take him back to live with us. It was mandatory in my apartment complex that all dogs be spayed or neutered so it was one of the last things I did before going back to Maryland. I was sitting in the lawyers office finalizing things when the call came in. I am not sure why I answered as it was totally inappropriate at the time. I am glad I did as Brutus, my parents dog had literally dropped dead. I kid you not nothing had beed done to the dog but he just up and died! Why is it at this moment I knew I was going to be OK, mostly because all I could do was laugh and think are you f'ing kidding me.
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| Raymond I Forslund Jr. 08/15/1945-11/11/2004 |
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